I’ve made a mess of things… without meaning to and without even realizing it —until now.
I grew up in a middle income family. We weren’t poor and we weren’t rich. But I realize now that my parents did sacrifice a lot in order to get all 5 kids what we needed and what we wanted. When Holidays or Birthdays came around, we knew we had a set dollar amount that Mom and Dad would spend on us for our Birthday. So we would carefully allot our funds to make the money stretch as far as it could go.
Once I hit my teen years, the things I wished for got more expensive. And when it was time to do our Back to School shopping, that allotted amount didn’t go very far. (Especially when I wanted Girbaud Jeans–Do you guys remember those?!)
Fast forward to now. I am married, have two kids (a 5-year-old and an almost 2-year-old), and I’ve been a couponer/money-saver for awhile now. I even share all of the great deals I find here on Freebies2Deals. However, there is a weird bug that creeps up from Childhood when you want to provide for your kids and give them all the things you never had growing up.
I really know how to find the best deals, how to save money and how to get all of the items my kids want for SUPER cheap. And I was always so proud of the fact that I could do that and that I did it so well. But now I feel like it is beginning to backfire.
When I have $100 to spend on a Birthday, Christmas or whatever, I can easily turn that amount into $300 or more worth of gifts. So what does that mean for my kids? Their laundry lists of wishes actually get fulfilled! Granted, I don’t give them every single thing they ask for. That’s not what I am saying. But I am saying that a big majority of the things they ask for I can easily afford and stay within budget—all because I can stretch what I do have and find the best deals to turn it into more.
I can think back to all of the things I wanted when I was younger and wished I had– likeBarbie Doll Bandaids… isn’t that the silliest thing?? They were more expensive than the regular, boring old tan ones when I was growing up. But it’s totally different now because I can get the Character bandaids for the same price and a lot of the time even cheaper. But the point is that I have turned into that Mom who wants to get her kids all of those things because it wasn’t an option growing up. Subconsciously I think I’ve been trying to justify the things I do purchase for my kids because I am staying within budget, I am getting a crazy deal and a lot of the items I score deals on don’t cost very much at all. But it doesn’t make a difference to my kids, does it?
I’ve started to realize that my kids may be spoiled! (GASP!) I didn’t mean to, it was never my plan. In fact, I wanted to do just the opposite. But somewhere along the way, all of my money-saving tactics and great deal finds have given my kids more than they ever hoped for. I know some of that is a great thing… but now I am realizing that some of that is a really bad thing too!
At what point do you walk away from a deal and say “even though that keeps me in budget, do my kids really need that?”
I tell my kids “NO” a lot of the time. But even with that, I’m realizing that instead of going off of money spent for Birthdays, Christmas and other events, I might need to start going off of the number of presents. I might be WAY under budget because I have scored such great deals. But I think this new tactic might work best for our little family.
Two years ago, I went crazy for Christmas—the presents under the tree were ridiculous. And even though some of them I scored for only a few bucks, my husband looked at me and said, “This is WAY too much!”. I thought we were fine because I didn’t spend a lot of money and I thought those presents would get the kids so excited on Christmas morning. But I was totally wrong. And the hubby was right! They saw the presents and were excited about it.. but guess how many of those presents actually got played with? Guess how many of those presents didn’t even get opened up on Christmas morning??
Last year I decided to make a change and focused more on a few gifts for each child. And as much as it pained me to know that I could easily afford more gifts, I stuck to my guns. And guess what? It was perfect!! The kids were excited about their toys and weren’t too overwhelmed with their gifts to actually play with them.
I know that my kids will remember the memories we had as a family, the vacations we went on and the time they actually spent with us as parents. And hopefully by spending more time creating those memories, I will be able to balance everything out.
There are times when being able to stretch your money is a blessing—like giving food to the homeless shelters, clothing for your kids or even donating items to Secret Santa projects like the ones we do each year here on Freebies2Deals. So I am grateful for that knowledge and ability to do so. Saving money is a good thing…..no, a great thing! And it is something I will continue to do. But for now, I think I am going to have to learn how to suppress my desire to buy more when it comes to my kids.
Marni
We did that when our oldest were younger but then I had four boys and what more can you possibly buy that you don’t need for Christmas when we already had a million balls, legos and every other boy toy. Now that my oldest is a teenager his gifts he wants are more expensive. For Christmas we decided to do a 3 gift option…a want, a need and an experience. This has been so fun because the experience ends up being something we do as a family i.e. a trip, a concert, horse back riding and amazingly, they remember that the most. Then I can spend less on the gifts overall so the older doesn’t not get his want. By the time we are done exchanging extended family and grandparents gifts we have more than enough. We are big advocates on “Just because someone has it doesn’t mean they can afford it and just because we don’t get it for you doesn’t mean we can’t afford it.”
Kathy
That’s awesome! I love it! Do you do anything from Santa?
Kara
I really like this approach…I might use these ideas!
Marni
The three gifts are actually from Santa and we don’t wrap those gifts, representing the three gifts Christ was given. The gifts wrapped are from grandparents, extended family etc. The gift wrapped from us is a book. We also do an exchange of the immediate family members where we go to the dollar store together and get one good and one funny gift. This helps them learn to how to wrap a present, they do it themselves, and pick something out for someone keeping it a surprise. It may seem small but honestly by the time they go through their stocking and have it all out they are thrilled and I am happy we don’t have a million forgotten toys. Our “experience” last year because we moved was a ping pong table and the kids still love it. Hope this help. 🙂
Marni
By the way…thanks to this website I am able to score some amazing deals on the big items. I use freebies2deals.com as my source to finding the best deals during the holidays. So THANK YOU!!!
Chandra Childs
I feel the exact same way! My parents did the three gifts at Christmas to represent the three gifts the wise men brought to Christ. We have done that with our kids, and it helps, but I think I really need to cut back in other areas as well. 🙂
Joni
My rule is if I stay under budget, any leftover funds go into the kids savings accounts. It helps me focus on getting the best deals, sticking with 2-3 gifts, and then they still have the additional money that I would have spent as part of their college fund. Thanks again for sharing the deals with all of us so that we can also get nice things for our children without breaking the bank!
K Carter
I do the same thing, I set a budget buy a few gifts that will really matter and put the rest in their college savings fund. I’d rather spend the money on a long term gift:)
alysa
I love it!
May I make a suggestion? I remember one of the biggest lessons I learned as a child was when we kids decided we had enough toys and clothes and since there wasn’t much money for Christmas that year that we should donate our allotted Christmas money to kids who were worse off than us.
Maybe your kids could come up with a small list of things they might think other kids would like to be donated from their allotment? A gift of learning to be charitable?
LSW
I know how hard it is. I too have been there and done that but my motto is “the simpler the better.” I have found that many times the more simple and thoughtful the gift (think homemade) the more it is appreciated. That goes with shopping trips too. I don’t buy 10 of one item just because I can but rather only that which I know me and my family will use. That doesn’t mean I don’t buy things. I do! All the time! But the balancing act will help keep not only your kids grounded but you as well. Thanks for sharing!
Carissa
I have a huge pile of gift for my kids birthdays and Christmas gift that I have gotten super cheap thanks to you! 🙂 one thing I have tried to do for Christmas is only three gifts per kid because Jesus got three gift from the wise men (gold, frankincense and myrrh) it helps me stay within a budget and also teaches them about Jesus . Just a little something I heard and love and it helps me not spoil my kids during Christmas
Danny
Thank you so much for posting this!!!! I have been wondering the same thing about spoiling my little girl. I don’t want my child to be spoiled! I find that it is difficult not to get everything that they want when it can be so easy to do with deals. I agree with your article and really need to try harder to not give them so much and try to put that extra money elsewhere. Thanks for the tips.
Mandy
I completely agree! Although there are so many deal sights out there. I still can’t get them all and that’s ok. I don’t need more stuff. I remember a picture a family member posted a few Christmas ago, for two kids and the room was full! But, she said she got them for such a great deal! But does your daughter need four different kinds of dolls!?!? I’m all for quality over quantity, these days.
Tracy
I think you are feeling this way because you don’t want to box it up and move it again! 😉
Karyn H
I think that someone with ‘smarts’ becomes ‘wise’ when they use those ‘smarts’ to become better. You sound like a ‘wise’ mother and shopper! Thank you for insights and sharing!
Stacy
I would probably have fit into the lower middle class growing up. It was obvious to me that we didn’t have the nice things that my friends had, but I was so thankful to have friends and that my lacking was not a factor in our friendship. I remember flipping through the pages of the big JC Penney’s and Sears catalogs and I’d circle the items I wanted for my home when I grew up. And now, we have this ginormous online catalog of stores and things to buy and we can peruse it all everyday. It is enticing. And then to think we can get that special something for a bargain is even better. I don’t chase after every deal. I usually have in mind a few things that we need and sometimes that we just want, but I do have to think about them for a time to warrant spending money, because I hate to spend regretfully. And we do the 3 gift limit as welll every Christmas.
Our wise pastor once said in a sermon, “Even if something is 75% off, your still spending and not saving. Money is going out of your bank, not into it.” That also has helped me think twice about purchases, especially for my children. I have one that has always liked to buy things and the youngest is happy without. I’m spending more time with the oldest to teach him financial responsibilities that they do not learn in school. Once we generously open the door to the “wants”, it’s hard to close it, but if our children know, lovingly, we want what’s best for them, they will appreciate it in the long run. So thanks for helping us spend less than what we could have. My husband does appreciate that I can get things for cheaper than regular retail price, and I feel that I’m showing respect when I try to spend less.
AllieB
I went through the same thing a few years back. You’re right now and I’m really glad you shared your thoughts 🙂
My sweet mother-in-law can’t put down a “good deal” and my hubby always says “a good deal still cost money”. It’s really empowering to say, “Nope, we don’t need it”.
Thanks again!
Becky F
Thanks for this Melea! I agree with this. At some point I just have to tell myself – ‘it’s a great deal but I’m done shopping”
Em
I felt I was reading about my own experience only in your words! And thanks to those who are posting their ideas for Christmas gifts. We have moved to giving our children 2 ‘fun’ gifts & a set of clothes at birthdays from us, and one smaller gift from each of the siblings. Even still, I have a gift stash that began with a ‘gift closet’ and has spilled out into several large boxes beyond that (thanks for all the deal listings that have helped me build it up) – but it’s just too much at this point. It’s great having a gift on hand for friends & family that I know didn’t cost much but I think I’ve gone too far. Maybe this year I should avoid shopping the deals & use what we have. You’ve given me good food for thought – thanks!!
Amy
This is a realization I’ve also had. Especially when it comes to my teenagers. I can afford to give them the things they want because I have a plan to get the best deals. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I should or that I want to. So I lowered my budget amount for special occasions. Birthday presents went from $100-$150 to $50-$75. Birthday parties used o have a $300 limit, but that is insane when you can coupon and have a $500 party. So now it’s $125. Another problem I’ve run into is buying presents for other people, like my nieces and nephews. Even if you only pay $25 for a $100 item the present is still worth $100. I think it makes people uncomfortable. Realizing this has helped me reduced budgets and focus myomeres saving efforts elsewhere. For the last 2 years we have donated lots to charities and worthwhile causes. My current project is to buy board games as cheaply as possible to give out at an upcoming PTA family game night. I’m also tucking more money away for vacations. If I’m going to spoil my children I’d rather to it showing them the world and making memories, not buying them material things.
Tracy
Amy, I completely agree on both making people uncomfortable when you snag an expensive item and also on spending it on trips to maker memories, which are priceless, all good comments.
Nicole Q
I love that! I’d definitely rather go on an awesome trip than have my house filled with stuff!
Rachel
Thanks for your post. I think we all relate to some degree. We want to give our kids everything, but not too much at the same time.Trying to decide what to get them and when can be hard. I think that little things like a patterned band-aid can actually be a big deal to a child and give them comfort and shouldn’t be considered a splurge, (my own little girl is asking for them and I realize even if its silly, it makes her b00 b00s feel better). I have a hard time limiting myself to a certain budget or a set number of presents, cause I want the experience for my child to to be more important than the cost, but really I know that I have to. I somehow feel like I didn’t do a good job providing for my kids if there are only a couple presents out- but I know I need to get over that. A couple ideas: 1.have you considered having the kids “earn” the things they want by letting them help around the house, complete goal charts for behavior, etc? They will appreciate them when they have to work for them and understand that presents don’t just come out thin air. 2. Also, if you have presents that you got throughout the year and were a good deal, and decide not to use, could your children help you wrap and deliver them to someone in need? It’s funny that kids can get all the presents in the world and still end up being happy playing with the cardboard box it came in. I think kids definitely identify more with time and experiences spent WITH them than anything else and those are what they will remember for years to come.
Nicole Q
I totally relate! I love buying stuff for my kids mostly because I can. They get excited. My husband complains and says they only need a couple of presents for Christmas because they have cousins and grandparents and stuff. Which is true! I just love seeing their little faces. One of my friends started a great thing for her kids. When they have birthday parties with friends, instead of the friends bring presents to them, they ask for something to be donated, like art supplies for a pediatric unit, or sports equipment for an organization. It’s awesome! Her kids still get presents from the family(and the friends usually bring something too) but her kids get the see the greatness in giving as well as receiving.
Rebecca
My husband was laid off during the recession and sometimes getting great deals on Christmas presents is what made it possible for us to get presents at all, because a normal amount cost so relatively little. But there was one year when we were relatively flush with funds, and I went a little crazy. Still very reasonable by a lot of people’s reckoning, but a lot more that we usually did and more than my kids actually needed.
Since then, our finances have stabilized and three years ago we started doing the ‘something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read’ thing. I don’t like to do ‘boring’ things for Christmas, so the need is usually something my kids want but which has a practical purpose, like the jewelry box my daughter got one year to keep her earrings better organized. ‘Something to wear’ is anything from a new outfit to a ring to the ninja costume my daughter is asking for this year.
So my kids get those four gifts each, a couple of very small things as stocking stuffers, and we also do a family gift or two of something larger. This year we are leaning toward a decent starter telescope for that. Another great family gift choice is annual memberships to local museums, zoos, and botanical gardens. Those take up no space and build memories, and through the year you always have something ‘free’ to do.
My husband and I get between two and four gifts depending on cost. (We do at least two because one has to be from Santa.)
It’s amazing how fast toys accumulate when you have four kids. Even though we’re relatively circumspect in our purchasing, we still have a ton. So we regularly sort through books and toys to donate things we’ve grown out of or which have fallen out of favor to thrift stores.
Also consider that having relatively few things teaches kids to better care for their stuff.
I still like to strike while the iron is hot for deals. So I have a shelf in my food storage room for extra gifts. I buy them whenever I see the deal (like on this site; thanks!) and stock them away. They might become birthday presents for my own kids, baby shower gifts, gifts for when my kids are invited to a birthday party. I rarely have to buy anything like this at full price, which is a great blessing.
Rebecca
I wanted to share one more thing that has been food for thought for me over the years. It’s a proverb I read once; I don’t remember exactly where.
“An elephant for a quarter is a good deal. But only if you have a quarter, and only if you need an elephant.”
annalee
We are totally learning this same lesson. I have over “bought” for Christmas and birthdays. I have now decided that it’s more about the number instead of the dollar amount. They do get overwhelmed with too many and seem to enjoy their toys much more when there isn’t so much. I grew up with not a lot money and didn’t feel like I needed a lot, especially when I got older. I have had to learn that just because I went with fewer things, I didn’t necessarily go without. I never felt like I went without. I never want my kids to feel entitled or like they will never be happy without “stuff”. Tough lessons for me as a mom. 🙂
Leigh
Christmastime, it wasn’t only me buying gifts. I’m one of those who would shop year round. When I saw a good deal, I’d purchase it & save it. My husband would bring his stash bought on-line & then we’d decide what would go for Christmas & then for his birthday. Course, the ones that were closer to his age we’d give first. I always thought we overdid too! It goes without saying that each of us had a different perspective on what should be given. As the years followed & our child grew, I was unable to buy things for his ever changing taste. I decided to fill up his stocking & let my husband do the present buying. Then, there were most definitely less gifts & less stress on my part. Now, he’s all grown up & really impossible to buy for. *hee*
It’s all about finding the right balance for your family. There’s no cookie cutter solution that’ll work for everyone. However, I do like the 3 presents idea to represent the presents from the Wise Men.
Anna
I come from a very low income family. I grew up without Christmas or birthday presents, raised by a single mother who worked in two jobs to provide for our necessities she sometimes couldn’t afford. But she taught me the importance of learning and how valuable that was, so thanks to her advice and example I went to colleague (i worked to pay for it along with student loans), and that was greater than any expensive toy and garment she would’ve bought me. Well, after going through that during my young years, I made a commitment with myself that my children would never go through that. So here I am 12 years later spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars in clothing for every season (sometimes they only wear it once) because i did not have that same with toys. So when i read your article on the blog i felt like it was written for me. I just started spending more than I can afford (credit cards) because i think i have t get that awesome deal for them, when it is only for me…
Also, thank you ladies those tips you have shared have given me an idea of how we are doing Christmas this year:)
Reading this article has changed my mind and make me realize there are more great things then spending money on things, like building good memories and enjoying what they have and teach them in a due time they will have the chance to work for what they want.
My children are 3 yr and 1 yr old.. and i love them to dead…In some way i think of you as one of those walking angels who help us.. the deals you post everyday have made so much for us.. like grocery shopping now i save something between 40-60% on shopping trips because of your grocery deals.. and last year got some presents for less than a half i was planning to..
Erin
Been there, done that! I think it gets easier as kids get older because they want very specific big ticket items for which there usually aren’t rock-bottom, can’t-pass-up deals. That makes it a lot easier to pass up cheap, gimmicky junk. You end up with one nicer item rather than piles of stuff you got deals on.
Erin
Sorry–I don’t know why this posted as a reply!
janae
its funny that you posted this. a couple of Christmas’s ago I had a substantial budget and had found your blog. I used the entire budget and bought my kids WAY too much. Last Christmas my motto was, just because I have this budget doesn’t mean I have to spend the whole thing. I ended up spending less that half than the year before. I am so grateful for all of the work you do so I can provide wonderful things for m family. However, I have to stop myself sometimes because just because its a great deal doesn’t mean I need to buy it. Thanks again!
Rebecca Gubler
Dear Melea, You are such a wonderful girl and mother! How do I know? Because you take the time to stop and think about what’s best for you children. Because you love them so much! It sounds like you are on the right track for your kiddos!
Keep up the good work!!
Linsey
Yes yes yes!!! I love this!!!
Sara
Spoil your kids with time. You can’t buy that and it will mean more to them than all the treasures of the world.
Erin R.
BRAVO! Thank heavens you got this figured out now while your kids are still little and aren’t yet accustomed to being showered with tons of things at every holiday and birthday. Now they’ll have the chance to learn about budgeting and appreciating the things they have just as you did. I grew up the same way you did and am so grateful to my parents for all they gave us, and for all they taught us about being careful with money and earning the things we really want. Great post, thanks for sharing.
Cori
I’m going to piggy back on the first comment. I heard this phrase one time and it helps to keep my holiday spending in check:
get something they want,
something they need,
something to wear,
and some thing to read!
(We are big on reading in our family)
Laurie
I was going to say what Joni said above, take any extra $$ and put it away for college or missions (if LDS) or a car. I wouldn’t let them know necessarily, just tell them you’ll match or double what they put into saving for…whatever. You’ll already have it saved to use! Of course you kids are still small, but what an advantage you have because of your skills!
rosanne
Want, need, read, wear. Worked
For my family worked last year.
rosanne
Want, need, read, wear. Worked
For my family last year.
Lisa Hoskins
Yup, Totally agree with everything! Thanks for sharing!
Jennifer Smith
Thank you for sharing this Melea! I grew up the same way…in that “middle class”…not being able to get everything I wanted & only have one pair of Gerbeau Jeans! 😉 It has been hard for me, as a mother myself now, to not get my kids things that I wanted as a child but couldn’t have. I had my first child the same time you started this website & my second is almost 2. I’ve been following you ever since you started out! I even went to your first coupon seminar at Noah’s!! I love how open & real that you are! I’ve definitely cut back on my coupling because I got burnt out after having my second child. & I felt I was buying things we didn’t really need just because it was such a great deal! When you announced the Disneyland trip in September I knew it was something we had to do but also could do because of you & your great deals! I look forward to hopefully meeting you in September & enjoy TIME with my family…since TIME is more important than anything we can buy!!! Thanks again! You’re awesome!
Cammie
Malia,
I loved this! I grew up in a family dynamic that sounds similar to your family. We didn’t have much but we always had enough. Then Christmas would happen. It always looked like our tree vomited a million gifts. I found it extremely embarrassing to talk to my friends Christmas afternoon and when they would ask me what I was given I would go on and on and on. When I asked my friends they would say three or four things. I didn’t need any of the things I was given and rarely wanted them. It was truly my dad overcompensating for the Christmas bounty that he didn’t receive. It was generous and ridiculous. Good luck on your change of plans! I hope you and your kids and your hubby are all much more happy with the arrangement and the money truly saved!
Alissa Lines
I totally agree that it’s easy to spoil them. It does take more work to to give them meaningful presents. I think this year I will give my kids some photo albums of themselves since they have never gotten any printed pictures. Then, they’ll get a few other gifts. I usually have them write out something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read. I let them write as many as they want in each category, and then I choose one from each to give them. We have six kids, so sometimes it’s really hard to know what each child would really love to have. This process has worked great for us. I’m glad you’ve reached this conclusion while your kids are young. That gives them time to change their thinking before they’re teenagers. Good for you! They will also see you donating to the hospital, and that can become a huge part of their lives.
Ashley Oakley
I went through this too! I would get such a good deal and then my daughter wouldn’t even play with it! I just couldn’t bear to pass up a good deal. But I was once told that even if something is a great deal spending nothing is still less. Loved this post!
Natalie
I love your site and it has helped me so much with saving money. I am a mother if four with one on the way so your site has helped us a lot. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. Once my sister in law was having trouble with her kids and told me it was because she gave them every thing they wanted. She also told me I would never have that problem. I was kind of offended at first (thinking she was telling me I would always be poor), but I then thought about it a diffrent way. I try and look for possitive ways to teach my kids to earn something they really want or save up for it. I also try and limit the things they get in-between Birthdays and Christmas and only get a few thing they really ask for or want and the rest useful things like clothes, coats, ect. I am not perfect, but have noticed they are much more greatful for things they have.
Heather
Well said.
Sara
I totally agree. I used to start my shopping in June or July when I could get the best deals (I still do that some), but come December I had SO much stuff for them. All for a GREAT price, but way too much. This past Christmas, we just gave our kids each 3 gifts. 1 small, 1 medium, and 1 big. I still watched for sales and got some good deals on the big gifts, but my kids didn’t even notice that there wasn’t the plethora of gifts under the tree that there had been the year before. It was a great change for our family.